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Excerpt from 'America (The Book)'
By Jon Stewart and The Writers of The Daily
Show
Chapter 1
Democracy Before America
It is often said that America "invented"
democracy. This view is, of course, an understatement; America
invented not only democracy, but freedom, justice, liberty, and
"time-sharing." But representative democracy is unquestionably our
proudest achievement, the creation most uniquely our own, even if
the rest of the Western world would have come up with the idea
themselves by the 1820s. So why, then, has participation in this
most wondrous system withered?
As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries
old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their
own democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a
wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99%
incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically
appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death—
all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But
our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants
voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist
many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens
of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be
imposed on them.
To regain our sense of perspective and wonder,
we must take a broader historical view, looking beyond America's
relatively recent success story to examine our predecessors and
their adorable failures. In this chapter, we will briefly explore
the evolution of an idea, following the H.M.S. Democracy on her
dangerous voyage through the mists of time, past the Straits of
Monarchy, surviving Hurricane Theocracy, then navigating around the
Cape of Good Feudal System to arrive, battered but safe, at her
destined port-of-call: Americatown.
Early Man: More Animal Than
Political
The human race is by nature brutal, amoral,
unreasonable and self-centered, but for the first few hundred
thousand years of our existence as a species, we were way too
obvious about it. Primitive culture centered on survival of the
individual and, occasionally, survival of someone the individual
might want to reproduce with (see 1981's harrowing documentary
Caveman. Civic institutions were non-existent, as was debate, which
would appear later after the invention of the frontal lobe. For
prehistoric man the rule of law, such as it was, could best be
summed up by the seminal case Marbury's Head v. Madison's Rock.
Early man lived this tenuous Darwinian
nightmare for an age or two, until a peculiar thing happened: The
unfittest decided they wouldn't mind surviving either. The feeble
and weak realized that without a good plan they weren't going to
make it out of the Stone Age to see the wonder that was clay. Alone,
they were mammoth meat. Together, they would become a force with a
chance to see the day when their children's children would be only
75% covered in hair. From these noble impulses, the groundwork for
the first civilizations was laid.
Athens: Our Big Fat Greek
Forerunners
Ancient Greece is widely credited with creating
the world's first democracy. It would be a worthy endeavor to travel
back in time to the feta-strewn shores of fifth-century B.C. Athens
and ask Plato to define democracy, and not only to make money
gambling on Olympics results that we, being from the future, would
already know. Plato would tell us, in that affectionate but
non-sexual way of his, that "democracy" is a Greek word combining
the roots for "people" ("demos-") and "rule" ("-kratia"). In Greek
democracy, political power was concentrated not in the hands of one
person, or even a small group of people, but rather evenly and
fairly distributed among all the people1, meaning every John Q.
Publikopolous could play a role in Athenian government. The main
legislative body, the Assembly, was comprised of no less than the
first 6,000 citizens to arrive at its meetings—and bear in mind, no
saving seats. Jury duty was considered an honor to be vied for.
Membership in most other civic institutions, including the Supreme
Court, was chosen...by lot! Imagine a system in which anyone could
wind up serving on the Supreme Court. Anyone. Think about your own
family. Friends. The guys you knew in college who would eat dog
feces for ten dollars. Now picture one of them as your randomly
chosen Chief Justice, and you'll appreciate just how fucked-up this
system was.
Compared with American democracy, the Athenian
version seems simplistic, naive, and gay. Transcripts of early
Athenian policy debates reveal a populace moved more by eloquence
and rationality than demagogues and fear-mongering. Thankfully, this
type of humane governance wasn't allowed to take root. Athens's
great experiment ended after less than two centuries, when, in 338
B.C., Philip of Macedon's forces invaded the city, inflicting on its
inhabitants the eternal fate of the noble and enlightened: to be
brutally crushed by the armed and dumb.
Rome: The First Republicans
The fall of Athens was followed by the
emergence, overnight, of Rome. At first glance its people2 appear to
have enjoyed a system of representative government similar to ours.
True, behind its fa?ade of allegedly "representative" officials
Iurked a de facto oligarchy ruled by entrenched plutocrats. But the
similarities don't end there. In fact, the Founding Fathers borrowed
many of their ideas from the Roman model, including its bicameral
legislature, its emphasis on republicanism and civic virtue, and its
Freudian fascination with big white columns.
However, there was very little real democracy
in Rome. While the Senate theoretically represented the people, in
reality its wealthy members covertly pursued pro-business
legislation on behalf of such military-industrial giants as
JavelinCorp, United Crucifix, and a cartel of resource-exploiting
companies known as Big Aqueduct. They even monopolized the most
notorious aspect of Roman life, instituting an orgy policy that can
literally be described as "trickle-down."
Vomitoriums aside, Rome's biggest contribution
to American government was probably its legal system, which codified
key concepts like equal protection, "innocent until proven guilty,"
and the right to confront one's accusers. These very same issues
would later form the basis of both the Bill of Rights and a
mind-numbing quantity of Law and Order scripts. But by the time of
Rome's huge millennium celebration marking the beginning of O A.D.,
the faint light of Roman democracy was all but extinguished. The
Republic had given way to Empire. The only voting to speak of took
place in the Colosseum and was generally limited to a handful of
disembowelment-related issues. In time, the Empire itself fell, as
history teaches us all empires inevitably must.3 Its most enduring
legacy: a numerical system that allowed future generations to more
easily keep track of Super Bowls.
The Magna Carta: Power to the Extremely
Wealthy People
And then, darkness. For more than 1,000 years
democracy disappeared from the European scene. The period instead
saw the blossoming of an exciting array of alternate forms of
government, such as monarchy, absolute monarchy, kingship,
queenhood, and three different types of oppression
(religious/ethnic/"for shits and giggles"). As for individual
liberty, "innocent until proven guilty" was rapidly supplanted by a
more aggressive law-and-order approach better characterized as
"guilty until proven flammable."
Democracy had disappeared. The people needed a
champion, and as is usually the case, the obscenely rich rode to the
rescue. In 1215, England's wealthy barons refused to give King John
the money he needed to wage war unless he signed the Magna Carta.
The document codified that no man was above the law. Unfortunately
for the peasant class, it did little to address how many were below
it. Startlingly ahead of its time, this extraordinary document had a
profound effect on people4 and continues to shape
twenty-first-century views on topics as diverse as escheat, socage,
burage, novel disseisin, and the bailiwicks of Gerard of Athee. But
even more importantly, the Magna Carta set a powerful precedent for
our own Founding Fathers: There was no more powerful means of
safeguarding individual liberty than a vaguely worded manifesto
inked in inscrutable cursive on dilapidated parchment.
The Magna Carta served as a wake-up call that
Europe would be forced to answer?in about five hundred years. For
Lady Democracy, having lain dormant for more than a millennium, had
risen from its slumber only to stretch its arms, reach for the
clock, and groggily set the snooze bar for "The Enlightenment."
The 17th and 18th Centuries: Enlightening
Strikes
Though a promising development for democracy,
the Magna Carta was mostly ignored as the world plunged into what
would be known as the Dark Ages. It was an apt title for an era when
amoebic dysentery was considered the good kind of dysentery.
Oppression and high mortality rates seemed ready to swallow what
remained of mankind, when through the darkness emerged the light
that would be its salvation: Reason. It began slowly. "Hey, what if
we stop storing the corpses in the drinking water and see if that
makes any difference to our health?" From there, it gathered
momentum. Soon, all conventional wisdom, from the shape of the Earth
to whether the ruling class could have your hut burned and your
organs removed because they thought you caused an eclipse, was up
for grabs. This last question proved especially pertinent for the
future of democracy and ushered in an era known as the
Enlightenment.
The Enlightenment, with its emphasis on reason,
would finally provide democracy with its philosophical
underpinnings. The 17th and 18th centuries produced a wave of
prominent thinkers espousing political systems based on what they
called "the social contract." Government, they theorized, was a sort
of legal agreement between the rulers and the ruled, the terms of
which were binding on both parties. It was a groundbreaking theory.
All they needed now was some country dumb enough to try it before
the King found out and had them all drawn and quartered.
Democracy needed a fresh start—hearty and
idealistic champions who would strike out for a new world, willing
to risk everything for the principles of equality, liberty, justice
... and slaves. We'd need some slaves and guns. But we're getting
ahead of ourselves. A new world awaited.
1 For purposes of Greece, "people" means "free
adult males."
2 For purposes of Rome, "people" means "free
adult males with property."
3 Except America
4 For the purposes of the Magna Carta, "people"
means "free adult males with property who signed the Magna
Carta."
Copyright © 2004 by Busboy Productions,
Inc.
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